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Father: “Son, you were adopted.”
Son: “What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!”
Father: “We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes.”
A camel meets an elephant. The elephant asks jokingly: “Why do you have two breasts on your back?” The camel replies: “With a face like yours, I’d just shut up.”
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ”Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ”The driver just insulted me!” The man says: ”You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
*My boyfriend left a note on my refrigerator saying “This isn’t working, goodbye” I opened the fridge and it’s working just fine.
*A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.” HaHaHa!
*Teacher: “If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?”
Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?”
Teacher: “Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Teacher: “Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!”
Johnny: “Because I’ve already got a freaking cat!”
The teacher said to his class one day, “Please stand up, anyone who thinks they’re stupid.”Nobody stood up so the teacher said, “I’m sure there are some stupid students in this class!”At this point Little John stood up.The teacher said, “Oh John! So you think you’re stupid then?”
Little Johnny replied, “No, I just felt bad that you were standing up on your own.” Ha!Ha!Ha!
I asked my daughter if she’d seen my newspaper. She told me that newspapers are old school. She said that people use tablets nowadays and handed me her iPad. The fly didn’t stand a chance.
A girl asks a boy: “Peter, how much do you love me?”
The boy looks her in the eyes, “Look up at the stars, that’s how much I love you.”
The girl is confused, “But it’s morning, there are no stars?”
Boy nods, “Exactly!”
Teacher: “OK class, who will give me the chemical formula for water?”
Teacher: “What on earth are you on about?”
Pupil: “Well you said yourself yesterday it was H to O!”
Snail with an attitude A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: ‘What the hell was that all about?’
Racing a bear Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guy drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. The second guy says, ‘What are you doing? Sneakers won’t help you outrun that bear.’ ‘I don’t need to outrun the bear,’ the first guy says. ‘I just need to outrun you.’
chinese couple in the park fighting..
Suddenly they raised their voice..
Girl:牡 楧敬 瑦!!!!
And before the boy walked out, he’s says..
Boy:慢 正 牧敧楬敮 牡 札 慲楤湥潴昣昸昸攣散散戻捡杫潲湵
The girl wipes the boy’s tears, and response..
Very touching story
I left my phone at home,when I returned,I found 30 missed calls from my grandma.when i asked her why she called me. She told me that she wanted to tell me that i left my phone.